


Face the Memories, Face the Fears

by LunaFlammata



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: AU, Drabble, Everyone Has Trauma, Grian Xisuma and Tommy get trapped in their worst memories, Grian is a BAMF when he wants to be, Hermit Tommy, Hermit!Tommy AU, I'm tagging it anyways, Inspired by the Hermit!Tommy au on Tumblr, Mentioned Evil X, Mentioned Sam Gladiator, Mentioned Taurtis, Oneshot, Watchers, Yandere High School - Freeform, does this count as a drabble?, nightmare sequences, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaFlammata/pseuds/LunaFlammata
Summary: One day on the Hermitcraft server, a witch attacks, and suddenly Grian, Xisuma, and Tommy find themselves trapped in their worst memories together.  What will they learn about each other?
Relationships: Charles | Grian & TommyInnit, Charles | Grian & Xisumavoid, Grian & Xisumavoid & Tommyinnit, No Romantic Relationships - Relationship, Xisumavoid & Tommyinnit
Comments: 18
Kudos: 324





	Face the Memories, Face the Fears

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Friends We Made Along the Way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28235151) by [redcursive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcursive/pseuds/redcursive). 



> Trigger warnings for: Brief description of scarring, mild gore, referenced/implied murder, guns, panic attacks, implied/referenced suicide attempts.
> 
> I think that should cover it, but if I need to add more, please let me know. If any of this triggers you, please tread carefully.

The remaining hermits quickly gathered up what healing and regen potions they had on them, as well as any supplies Cub and Scar could need for their spells. It had all happened so quickly, no one was entirely sure what had occurred. Cub knew there had been a witch involved, but why she had cursed that particular group of hermits he didn’t know, and what kind of spell they were trapped in was beyond him. Scar seemed to at least have an idea of what had happened.

“It looks like it might have been a nightmare spell,” the wizard said, already gathering the crystals he would need. “If we can go into their nightmares, whoever finds them in there should be able to talk them down and pull them out of it.” The rest of the hermits nodded in understanding, and Cub began gathering his lapis. He knew the spell Scar would need, and unfortunately, it would take most of his and Scar’s magical power. “We’ll probably be out of magical energy for a few days after this,” Cub said to the rest of the hermits. “And we’ll definitely be vulnerable to mobs while we work.” False nodded in understanding. “I’ll cover you guys while you work.”

“Who’s gonna help who?” Scar said. Cub noticed Joe was already kneeling by Cleo’s side. “I’ll look after Cleo,” The poet said. “I promise I’ll pull her back from whatever nightmare realm she’s in as quickly as I can.” “Impulse and I will help Zedaph,” Tango said, and Cub gave a quick nod. “I’ll help Tommy,” volunteered Wels, who had been summoned the moment the witch had attacked. The knight had bonded with the teen surprisingly quickly after the last few weeks, and Cub found himself only mildly surprised at the offer of help. “I guess that leaves me to take care of Shishammy,” Keralis spoke up from the back of the group. The younger man knelt at his best friend's side, ready to help him.

“What about Grian?” Scar asked. “I’d go after him myself, but I need to cast the spell.” “I’ll help him,” Mumbo said, swooping in from the sky. There was a nervous edge to his voice, but his gaze told Scar that he was nothing but determined to save his best friend and partner in crime. “So how do we do this?” Joe asked, clearly worried about Cleo. Scar spread his crystals out and they began to glow softly. “I’ve already started casting the spell. All you need to do is take the hermit’s hand, and find a way to get them out of there.”  
As soon as he had finished speaking, Joe gently took Cleo’s hands between his own, and collapsed beside her. Tango and Impulse only hesitated a moment before doing the same for Zedaph. A look passed between Wels, Keralis, and Mumbo, but then they all took the hands of their respective Hermits. Nothing happened. Mumbo and Keralis glanced at Cub and Scar, but Wels dutifully scanned the faces of the sleeping hermits, looking to see if there were any changes. Cub examined the three figures more closely, and realized that their hands are joined. He nudged Scar’s shoulder, and the wizard noticed it too. “What’s going on?” Mumbo questioned. “Yeah,” Keralis said, brow furrowing with worry. “Why didn’t anything happen?” “Because they're all trapped in their nightmares together,” Cub said. “They must have figured something out about the spell before they all passed out.” “I just hope they're okay,” Scar said nervously. “Me too, Scar. Me too.”

The three hermits came too with a gasp, and Tommy leapt to his feet. His hand rested on the hilt of his sword, but he was hesitant to draw it, wondering if the nose of the fireworks had set him off for some reason. He was pretty sure a witch had attacked or something though. Quickly he pulled Grian and Xisuma to their feet, and scanned the surrounding area. They were in a small valley, ringed by small, but steep cliffs that rose into the sky. A small nether portal sat nestled in the rocks of the hills. In the middle of the valley rose a large iron machine, and Tommy could make out the vague shape of dispensers and slime blocks about half-way up the machine.

“What is that?” he said, causing X and Grian to turn towards it. “I don’t know,” Grian said. “Looks like some kind of redstone contraption though.” Xisuma swore under his breath. Tommy whirled to the admin, surprised, and immediately drew his sword. If X didn’t like this place, then that was a bad, bad sign. Grian picked up on it too. “X, what is this place.” “Somewhere we don’t want to be,” the admin said. His voice wasn’t scared or anxious like Tommy had expected. Instead, it was just bitter. The teen glanced up at the machine again, and noticed arrows dropping out of the dispensers. It dawned on him what the redstone contraption was. “That’s a death machine, isn’t it?”

Xisuma shook his head. “That’s what it was designed as. But ultimately, it ended up being used to summon-” Suddenly, a bolt of lightning pierced the sky and struck the ground in front of the death machine. “Evil X,” Xisuma finished, gesturing listlessly to the figure that was now standing in front of the redstone contraption. He was dressed in the same armor as X, but his was dyed blood red, and the visor on his helmet was tinted black instead of purple. Tommy felt a shiver go down his spine. “X, who is that?” Grian asked, taking a step closer to Xisuma’s look-alike.

Suddenly, X yanked him back, as lightning struck the ground where Grian had been standing. The admin shoved the two of them towards the portal that sat nestled in the cliffside. “Run!” Tommy’s instincts immediately kicked in, and he sprinted for the portal, glancing behind him to make sure Evil X or whoever the mysterious figure was wasn’t following them. Grian made it to the portal, and frantically gestured for Tommy and Xisuma to hurry up. Tommy lunged for the portal, but another blast of lightning split the ground between him and Xisuma. He went flying, and landed on the rocks near the base of the portal. X went flying to the right and his helmet was knocked off. Tommy scrambled to his feet, and sprinted towards the admin. He yanked Xisuma to his feet and pulled him towards the portal. The admin reached for his helmet, but Tommy pulled him away. “No time!” X nodded, and the two dove into the portal. It’s only then that Tommy noticed that the blocks in the portal looked suspiciously like those required to make an end portal.

The three of them tumbled out of the portal onto a large, flat field. A large square was outlined in red, and a rustic manor house rose from within the square. Despite the sun’s bright light, the air around the mansion seemed to thicken, and the shadows grew deeper and darker. “Where are we?” Tommy whispered. It seemed wrong to speak and disturb the deathly silence. Grian’s gaze hardened, and his jaw set tightly. “Let’s just find the portal.” Tommy had never heard the prankster so closed off. Gently, Xisuma laid a hand on his shoulder. “Grian, what happened here?”

“A mistake. Now, let’s just fan out and find a way out of here. Please.” Tommy and Xisuma both wanted to press for more but they let it drop. Clearly Grian didn’t want to talk about it. Tommy and X shared a look of concern, and with a start, the teen noticed a burn scar creeping up the side of Xisuma’s face. Tommy recognized them instantly. After all, he had plenty of them himself. They were the remnants of TNT blasts. He knew better than to press the admin about them though.

Instead, they spread out, and Tommy made his way to the left side of the mansion. He didn’t dare step past the red border that separated the manor from the rest of the world. Suddenly, from behind him, he heard the sound of footsteps, and the quiet whirring of machinery.

He whirled around, sword raised, only to find that it was Grian standing behind him. Only, it wasn’t Grian. The sweater and jeans were the same, sure, and the face seemed mostly the same, but half of it was covered by metal panels. It looked like some screwed-up cyborg. “Um...guys?” the teen called out. Not-Grian tilted his head to the side quizzically and examined Tommy. The blonde raised his sword nervously, but the cyborg didn’t do anything. Grian and Xisuma came running over, but stopped once they saw the cyborg. X turned to Grian confused. “G, what is this.” The man in the red sweater didn’t say anything. Tommy pretended not to notice the tears welling in his eyes.

“How?” Grian whispered. “Your code. I-I thought-I wiped it didn’t I? You should be dead?” “Grian, who is this?” Tommy asked gently, still reluctant to lower his sword. “Grian?” the cyborg croaked out. His voice sounded as it hadn’t been used in years. “You-you remember me?” Grian whispered, voice filled with guilt. “NPG, I’m so sorry. But, you have to understand, I-I had too. You were suffering. I-I thought it would be for the best.” There was silence for a moment, as Tommy tried to figure out what Grian was talking about. “You wiped his code didn’t you?” Xisuma said gently. It wasn’t really a question, but Grian nodded anyways.

“He-he was glitchy, didn’t function right. We figured he must have been in massive amounts of pain.” “Then you did what you had to do,” X assured him. Grian shook his head guiltily. “No. I didn’t.” his shoulders slumped. “The truth is, he was annoying. He kept getting on my nerves. So I-I shut him down.” There was silence for a moment as everyone absorbed the information. Then Tommy spoke up. “Let’s just find that portal out of here.” X nodded, and moved to search the area once again.

“No,” Grian said, startling them. “NPG, this version of him at least, is just a ghost. I destroyed all copies of his code. I doubt we’ll find a portal until we...until I face him.” Grian flicked his wrist, and a small admin panel popped, much like the ones Xisuma often used. “See?” Grian ansked, gesturing towards the blank space where strings of letters and numbers should have been. “No code. He’s just a ghost.” Grian’s hand drifted to the bottom right-hand corner of the panel and hovered over a small red button. It simply said “Delete.” Grian only hesitated a moment before pressing it.

NPG disappeared, without even so much as a pop to denote his death. Another nether portal stood where the cyborg had been just a second ago. This portal was wrapped in branches and flowers, and if they hadn’t been trapped in what were so clearly their worst memories, Tommy might have found it beautiful. Grian didn’t bother taking in the beauty of the portal though. He shoved the panel away and muttered, “Let’s go.” The three stepped through the portal and stepped out into yet another unfamiliar building.

“Where are we now?” Tommy complained, spinning around to examine the hallway they were in. The wall was lined with lockers, and tattered posters and drawings hung from the walls. Industrial lights flickered dully overhead, and the tiles beneath his feet looked well-worn. The entire place had an aura of loneliness; it hung heavy in the air. Tommy glanced back and Xisuma, but the admin just shook his head, confused. “Grian?” Xisuma asked. Tommy glanced towards the prankster, but he was frozen.

“No, no, no, no, no. Not here. Not again. Please, not again.” “Grian?” X prompted, slightly louder. Grian whirled, and Tommy caught the flash of panic that flickered across his eyes before he realized who they were. Then his face changed into something cold and mask-like, almost like the porcelain shield Tommy always wore over his own face. Grian had completely shuttered off any of his emotions. “We need to get to the roof,” Grian said, his voice stiff and businesslike. Tommy recognized it. It was the same way he talked about L’manburg.

Grian pulled them down the hallway, past darkly lit classrooms and beat up lockers. Tommy noticed that some of the doors to the classroom had been knocked off their hinges and were hanging loose at awkward angles. Even more disturbingly though, he thought he could make out faint trails of blood. They moved on quickly.

They made their way up one flight of stairs, before a soft wailing pierced the air. Grian cursed. Tommy’s eyes widened at the sound of the usually gentle prankster’s voice filled with panic. Grian’s eyes darted around the stairwell before falling on the doors to the hallway. He kicked them open, not daring to let go of Tommy and X’s hands and risk losing them. The groaning got louder, and Grian’s pace picked up. He darted down the hallway, and paused at a rather inconspicuous looking locker.

Grian reached for the lock, clearly intending to enter the code, but the groaning came closer. “No time,” Grian muttered to himself, before yanking the lock down and snapping the metal instantly. Tommy glanced at Xisuma, only to see that the admin was just as surprised as he was. Grian began rooting around in the locker, shoving a red-stained backpack and...was that a girl’s school uniform? out of the way. Tommy thought he saw the name Sam written on the strap of the backpack. Grian brushed aside a few miscellaneous papers to reveal a gun, resting at the bottom of the locker. He froze. “Jesus,” he muttered. “I thought he just had a knife. I didn’t know he had a… You know what? I’m not complaining. This’ll be more useful anyways.” Grian snatched up the weapon, and motioned for Tommy and Xisuma to follow him. The two did so without question.

They had almost made it to the far end of the hall when something appeared in front of them. It seemed only vaguely solid, and resembled a person. They had shaggy black hair, bright blue eyes, and a cracked pair of glasses. They had on a loose brown overcoat and black slacks. Tommy figured he must have been some kind of teacher given how dorky he looked.

Grian stopped short and calmly raised his gun. “Suki’s dead Gareth. You can move on. Just leave us alone! I didn’t kill Jane, I swear!” With a start, Tommy realized the person, Gareth, was a ghost. Gareth simply continued to wail and drifted forwards. Suddenly, Tommy noticed the bloody rope hanging from Gareth’s hands. “Gareth, I don’t want to shoot you, but we need to get out of here.” Grian said, voice firm but sad. “Move. Now.” The ghost didn’t move. So Grian pulled the trigger.

The shot echoed down the hall, loud and explosive, but it didn’t sound like TNT or fireworks, or anything else Tommy had ever heard. That sound shook him to his core. Gareth was gone. Grian tucked the weapon into the waistband of his jeans, and grabbed Tommy and Xisuma’s hands once again. “Come on. We need to keep moving.”

They made their way up the stairwell and onto the roof. Wind whipped at them, and Tommy nearly lost his balance. Grian held him steady though. In front of them, in the middle of the platform sat the nether portal. This one was a normal obsidian portal, but it was splashed with streaks of red. It looked disturbingly like blood. Then Tommy realized it actually was. His eyes traveled down the frame of the portal, to see a bloody figure standing at the base, a corpse at his feet.

Grian noticed the figure at the same time as Tommy and froze. He slowly raised his hands in front of him in the universal gesture of surrender. “Sam,” Grian whispered, so quietly, Tommy wasn’t sure Grian had even spoken. The figure's face was covered by a purple mask that sat around their eyes, almost like a superhero mask. It was emblazoned with a white rectangle. It reminded Tommy uncomfortably of his own mask. The smile was even crazier than Dream’s had ever been though. There was a knife in their hand, and their forearms were stained with blood.

The teen’s gaze drifted to the corpse at the masked figure’s feet. They had been wearing a blue sweater, although it was mostly purple now. Broken headphones hung around his neck, and he was laying face down. Grian stomped on Tommy’s foot. “Sword away. Now,” he hissed. Tommy did as he was told without protest. Something behind the masked figure moved, and Tommy realized they had wings. The blonde noticed Grian holding back another curse. “Man, Grian,” the masked figure said. “You’ve been holding out on me.” The figure, Sam, took a step closer to them. “This Watcher power is really something else.” Grian’s foot slid back, and he looked ready to bolt. Tommy wondered if Grian would bring him and Xisuma with him, but he didn’t like his odds. Sam flipped his knife casually and took another step closer to Grian. “I doubt you’ll be needing it anymore. How ‘bout you give it to me, huh?”

Suddenly, the explosive sound from earlier rang out, and Sam fell backwards, slumping against the portal. A trickle of blood ran down the side of his head. Tommy whirled around to see that Xisuma had the gun in his hand, aimed straight at Sam. “He looked like bad news,” the admin said, offering the weapon to Grian. The prankster nodded shakily. “He was.” He took the gun back from Xisuma, and holstered it once again. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.” The two nodded, and they stepped into the portal.

The three of them almost fell into a massive crater the second the portal dumped them out. Tommy lunged for a thin ledge that jutted out from the side of the crater, and just barely caught it. X caught his free hand, and held firmly to the teen. Grian missed Xisuma’s outstretched hand, but small wings, much like Sam’s, flared out from his back. They were much too small to be the wings of an elytra, but Tommy was too busy dodging stray crossbow bolts to give them a good looking over. Grian landed on the ledge and reached down to pull him up.

An explosion nearly threw them off again, and Tommy whirled around, desperately trying to get his bearings. Instantly he recognized the ruins of L’manburg. On the other side of the crater, he could see a small crowd of people gathered, dressed in full armor, weapons drawn nervously. He couldn’t see what they were staring at, but he knew. At the other end of the crater stood Technoblade, two wither frameworks behind him. There was a small cave under the ruins of the podium, Wilbur’s button room. The president himself was standing at the edge of the newly formed cliff, arms spread wide, gloating. Phil stood behind him, wings spread wide, terrified by the crater his son had just created, but hiding it for Wilbur’s sake.

Tommy could hear his brother’s voice echoing across the destruction, somehow the only thing he could hear over the sounds of explosions and withers and fighting. “My L’manburg, Phil!” Wil grinned, surveying his reign of terror. “My unfinished symphony! Forever unfinished.” Tommy had to force himself not to mouth along to Wilbur’s final speech. He grabbed X and Grian, and scrambled up the cliff side, towards the button room.

Wilbur leapt up to face Phil, triumphant grin still on his face. “If I can’t have this no one can Phil!” “Tommy, who is that?” X asked, stumbling along behind the teen. Tommy didn’t answer. “X,” Grian said, somehow unfazed by the sudden warzone they were in. “Tommy wears his brother’s coat.” The admin glanced up at the figure that was standing in the small room. He was wearing the same coat Tommy always wore. “Oh.”

After a moment, they were at the base of the cliff that led to the button room. Despite the fact that most of the TNT should have gone off by now, they had to keep dodging stray blasts. Suddenly, Wilbur’s voice pierced down from above, and Tommy forced himself to watch. He had to know when the portal would appear. “Do it, Phil. Kill me.” He needed to keep moving. He couldn’t stay here. But Tommy was frozen. He watched as Wilbur forced Phil to take his sword, watched Phil’s wings flare in anguish. “I-You’re my son!” he cried, not wanting to stab Wilbur. Tommy watched as the diamond sword plunged into his older brother’s chest.

Grian and Xisuma stared up in horror, hands covering their mouths, expressions aghast. God, they were so stupid. Didn’t they know they couldn’t feel anything while on the battlefield? If you got distracted, you were dead. “C’mon,” Tommy said, more bitterly than he had expected. “We can’t stay here.” He began scaling the cliff, and after a moment of hesitation, X and Grian followed him. “Tommy, what is this?” Grian asked, not bothering to hide the fear and horror in his voice. Tommy didn’t blame him. The Hermit’s had never seen battle. Not like this. The teen continued scaling the cliff, and ignored Grian’s question.

They reached the top, and there was the portal. Hung over it was a shredded piece of cloth, the L’manburg flag, destroyed beyond repair. Phil had flown off to help fight Technoblade, and Wilbur’s body lay against the jagged rocks at the opening to the button room. Tommy paused for a moment, and whispered a soft good-bye under his breath. Then, he, Xisuma, and Grian plunged into the portal.

They were in the same place, but now, the ground was intact. The podium still stood, wreaths and banners hung around it. The throne was gone, and election propaganda for the various parties fluttered on the walls around them. They were standing at the back of the crowd, behind everyone who was seated, and behind Wilbur. Tommy sucked in a breath as he realized that this Wilbur still stood tall and proud, dressed in his general's uniform from the revolution. This Wilbur had none of the broken, insane light in his eyes. The podium still sent a jolt of fear down his spine though. Jshlatt was standing on it, Quackity and George at his side. “No. No, no, no. Not again.”

He wanted to move. Wanted to run so badly, but he couldn’t. Why weren’t his feet working? Why couldn’t he run? Xisuma leaned closer and whispered, “Where are we now?” “E-exile,” he choked out. “The first one.” Grian’s eyes widened. But he didn’t say anything. They were interrupted by the sound of Shlatt’s voice booming over the microphone. “My first decree, as president...” he paused, and Tommy could feel his fists clenching at his side. “As the emperor” Shlatt boomed. “Of this great country is to revoke” he paused, as if savoring the fear and uncertainty in the audience’s eyes. “The citizenship of Wilbur Soot,” the general balked at the mention of his name, but his mouth dropped once he realized what Shlatt had just declared. Tommy gritted his teeth, waiting for the end of the speech. “And Tommyinnit. Get ‘em outta here!”

The crowd turned, most of them staring in shock, but a few of them drawing weapons. Tommy’s instincts kicked in, and he grabbed Xisuma and Grian by the wrists, and pulled them away from the crowd. “Run. Now!” The two complied, and within seconds, they were at L’manburg’s gates. A portal sat shimmering where the entrance should have been. Stray pieces of TNT lay scattered around the base, and sparks fell from the portal itself. Tommy plunged through.

It was quiet. Deathly quiet. They were in a small ravine, paths and staircases crossing the canyon, and lanterns hung from thin stone rods. It was so dark, and Tommy could hear the sounds of mobs all around him. But his gaze was fixed on the man standing in the center of the ravine. Wilbur stood on the small dias in the center of the canyon, coat waving in the slight breeze. His hair was wild and untamed. That damn grin, the one he got whenever he spoke about how L’manburg was his, about how they should just blow it all to hell, split his face. Fire danced in his eyes. His words were soft, but they still cut like a knife to Tommy’s heart. “I know why you’re doing this Tommy. I know. I see it in your eyes.” Wilbur took a step closer, and Tommy’s foot slid back nervously. “I can hear it in your voice. Tommyinnit, you’re scared.”

Tommy fought so hard not to cover his ears. He didn’t want to hear this. Not again. But he knew it wouldn’t matter. Despite how much he had healed during his time in Hermitcraft, Wilbur’s words still echoed through his head every night. “Tommy, when I said you were never gonna be president, you gotta understand,” Wilbur said, leaning closer. “That-that wasn’t a challenge. That was true.” Tommy gritted his teeth, and tried to ignore the anger radiating off Xisuma. “You’re never gonna be President, Tommy. Sclatt’s a smart man. He knows that if we fight him-even if we win-we’ve lost. If he kills us, we’ve lost.” Wilbur snorted ruefully. “Tommy, there’s no inbetween. And I know you’re scared.” Wilbur’s grin changed to one that was almost kind, but that scared Tommy more than it ever had. Dream used to do the exact same thing. “I understand you’re scared,” Wilbur continued. “It’s scary! But in a time like this, when a man has nothing to lose, do you know what that means?” Tommy didn’t bother taking Wilbur’s bait. Wilbur answered his own question anyways. “It means we can do what we want,” he said, gleeful and ecstatic.

“We have a man on our side who literally rigged our nation with TNT.” Tommy flinched, and braced himself for the next part of Wilbur’s speech. “We can do the same to them! We can kill them all!” Tommy just shook his head bitterly as his brother devolved into a rant about how everyone, everyone was lying to them. Finally, he calmed down, and regained some semblance of composure. “Tommy, let’s be the bad guys.”

There was silence, but then, slowly, Tommy’s brow furrowed in sorrow. He snorted and stared at the ground ruefully. “You were gone the whole time, weren’t you? I couldn’t have saved you, no matter how hard I tried. I was just a tool to you the whole time, wasn’t I? I guess the way it ended was inevitable, huh?” Wilbur didn’t say anything. Tommy shook his head. “You’re nothing but a ghost. You can’t hurt me anymore.”

He shouldered past the man in the trench coat, and made his way to the portal at the back of the ravine. He didn’t bother to check if X and Grian were following. He knew they had his back. “Tommy,” Grian said, voice low and worried. “Was that your brother?” Tommy didn’t say anything. Then again, he didn’t need to. The sadness and regret in his eyes answered for him. They reached the portal. This one was entirely made out of blackstone, and Tommy steeled himself for the next memory.

He was standing at the top of a roughly hewn staircase, a tunnel extending out into the bowels of the hill side. He could hear voices drifting out from the tunnel in front of him. He could hear the excited exclamations of his fellow revolutionaries, could hear Tubbo’s curious demands for an explanation, could hear Eret’s traitorous, lying voice conducting everyone down the hallway. Tommy gritted his teeth, and his grip tightened on the hilt of his sword. He hadn’t even realized he was still holding it. “What do we do here?” Xisuma asked nervously. “We follow the lying snake,” Tommy said.

They made their way down the tunnel, keeping their distance behind everyone else. He didn’t want to see the slaughter. Not again. But he knew that the portal would be in the Room itself. Seemed they all had to confront these memories, no matter how much Tommy wanted to curl in on himself and never come back out again. The tunnel echoed with their footsteps, and Tommy realized the noise had died down. He began to panic, and his pace quickened. He couldn’t let Tubbo die. Not again. Xisuma and Grian followed behind him, ready for another fight. Tommy sprinted up the stairs, and stopped at the entrance to the Final Control Room.

For a moment, he couldn’t see anything. All there was was fear. He caught a flash of Xisuma’s art, and it cut him like a knife. They were the same colors as the original L’manburg walls. His breathing got heavier. Behind him, he heard the soft sound of a button press, and the opening of pistons. He didn’t look though, couldn’t look. He didn’t want to see the slaughter. Not again. The cold stone pressed into his back. When had he sat down? He couldn’t sit down. He had to run. Dream was here. Eret had betrayed them. They were trapped, nowhere to run, no way out. Dream was coming. Tubbo was screaming. Begging for someone to help. But Tommy couldn’t get to him. Dream had him pinned. Wilbur was yelling, trying to save his men. Sapnap was laughing in triumph as his sword cut into Tubbo. Suddenly, Wilbur’s cries were cut off, but Tommy couldn’t look, couldn’t find out why. Didn’t want to know why. Already knew why.

He pushed closer to the wall as Dream’s sword bit into him, but wait, it wasn’t. Not really. And there was Wilbur’s face, looking over him. But no, that wasn’t Wilbur’s face. “Breath. In and out. Good. Just like that.” The voice was soft, and Tommy clung to it, and suddenly there was something soft and red in his hands. He was pretty sure it was a sweater. He clung to it for dear life. “I don’t- I don’t-” he choked out, voice muffled by tears and horror and regret and everything, and oh god, why was he feeling so many emotions. Feeling anything in battle would get him killed. “It’s okay. You’re okay,” the soft voice whispered in his ear. “You don’t have to go in there. You’re not in there. You’re right here with me. I’ve got you. Just focus on breathing. In and out. In and out.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Tommy’s breathing returned to normal, and he calmed down. He was holding onto the sleeve of Grian’s sweater, holding it for dear life, desperately trying to anchor himself to reality. “Are you back with me?” the hermit asked gently. Slowly Tommy nodded, and stumbled to his feet, still holding tightly to Grian’s sweater. “We need to get to the portal,” Tommy said, voice hoarse and raw. He began moving towards the Final Control Room, but Xisuma gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to go in their Tommy. We’ll find another way out.” Tommy shook his head with a small, bitter laugh. “No we can’t. Don’t you guys realize that this whole time we’ve had to face our fears? I-I have to go back in there. I can’t keep running from it.” Grian and X shared a look, as if they wanted to protest, but after a moment, accepted Tommy’s decision. “Just...Just don’t let go of me, alright?” Tommy asked, trying to sound like he was making a joke. His voice shook too much for it to be believable.

He stepped into the empty blackstone room. Three passageways were open in the walls, and a portal sat where the button should have been. This one was made of regular obsidian, but it was wrapped in green and white ribbons. Tommy stepped through.

The wind whipped at this hair, and he stood on a thin strip of obsidian. To either side of him were two hastily built platforms. Tubbo, Fundy, Quackity, and Ranboo stood on one. Dream stood on the other. Grian and Xisuma appeared beside him, and nearly lost their balance. Tommy caught them by the back of their shirt, and pulled them away from the edge of the wall. He turned to face Tubbo, ignoring their quizzical looks. “Dream,” the brown-haired teen said. “I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be the best thing for the nation,” he paused, as if he felt the need to defend himself, “the most logical thing to do, would be for Tommy to be...exiled from L’manburg.”

Tommy sucked in a breath. Even though he knew it had been coming, the pronouncement still stung. “But-but the disks,” Tommy muttered under his breath before he could stop himself. “The disks don’t matter Tommy!” Tubbo exploded, taking a step forward. “How can you not see that?!” Tommy’s food slid back. Even now, the fury and frustration in Tubbo’s voice shocked him to his core. Tubbo shook his head. “They don’t matter.” He turned to Dream, his words laced with venom. “Dream, please detain and escort Tommy out of my country.” Dream smiled, triumphant. He extended a hand to Tommy, but the teen shoved it aside. “No. I’m not going with you. Not again. I’m not gonna let you drag me back.” Dream’s expression hardened. “C’mon Tommy,” he leered. “You’re not welcome here.” Tommy shook his head. “No. This was home. These are my friends. I’m not gonna let you keep manipulating them. I’m gonna fight back.” Tommy reached out, and shoved Dream off the wall.

In his place, a portal shimmered into existence. This one was decorated with a strange variety of blocks, mostly dirt and planks, but there was some obsidian and netherrack mixed in. The trio plunged through.

They stepped out, and nearly toppled off the one block pillar. Grian regained his balance the quickest and caught Tommy and Xisuma just in time. “Where are we?” X asked, trying to gauge how high up they were. “We’re at the block limit,” Tommy said. “In Logstedshire.” The teen was trembling, but he was standing dangerously close to the edge. The longing was gone from his eyes, but it still felt all too natural to stand there. Grian’s hand rested on his shoulder gently, ready to pull him back if he had too. “Tommy,” he asked nervously, not wanting to know the answer. “Why-why did you build this pillar?” “I was trying to get away,” the teen answered sullenly. “From who?” Grian asked. “Was someone trying to kill you?” There was silence for a long time. Then, slowly, Tommy nodded. “Yeah. I was.”

Grian’s face fell. “Oh my god, Tommy...” “Shut up,” the teen said, cutting him off. “I don’t want any of your stupid pity. I’m better now anyways. I have to be. I escaped. So I’m better.” “Tommy,” Xisuma said softly. “It’s okay to not be healed. Healing, getting better, that takes time. There’s no shame in admitting that. In fact, you’re never gonna heal, not fully, if you don’t admit that. Just because you're out of a bad environment doesn’t mean that the bad thoughts just go away.” “And it’s okay to ask for help,” Grian said. “That’s part of healing. It’s okay to lean on others. It’s okay to trust. You have to open yourself up to heal. As counterintuitive as it sounds, you have to be vulnerable to heal.”

“But I can’t be. Every time I’ve trusted someone...” Tommy trailed off, voice shaking. “I know. I know,” Xisuma reassured softly. “I’ve had my fair share of betrayals. And I’m not gonna pretend I have any idea what that was like for you, but I do understand why you’re scared. But you’re only gonna hurt more if you keep yourself closed off. You have to open up to someone. It doesn’t have to be everyone. But you can’t keep everything bottled up inside.”

“You can always talk to me and X, Tommy,” Grian said. “We’re always going to be here for you. And I swear to you, on my life and on Church Prime that we will never use it against you. We can help you heal, but you have to be willing to let us in, okay?” Tommy nodded. “I think,” he hesitated. “I think I’m ready to do that. Let’s get off this damn pillar.” Tommy turned to face the water below him, and stepped off the edge. After a moment, Grian and Xisuma followed.

The water hit with a cold shock, and the three scrambled to the surface, gasping for air. Xisuma pulled them towards the shore, his armor giving him a little bit of insulation from the sudden cold. Grian and Tommy stumbled to their feet, soaking wet and shivering. Tommy had a huge smile on his face. He had conquered the tower again. He was ready to heal.

Standing in the dunes of the beach, was a portal. This one was made of regular obsidian, but had the image of his two disks carved into it. Somehow, Tommy knew it would lead him home. “Let’s go,” he said. The trio stepped through the portal.

They woke with a gasp, and immediately scrambled to their feet. Xisuma immediately checked to see if his helmet was still on, and his shoulders sagged in relief when he realized it was. Grian checked nervously to see if he still had the gun on him, but relaxed once he was sure it was gone. Tommy was just relieved to be back in Hermitcraft. “Grian!” Mumbo cried, pulling his friend into a hug. The hermit melted into it. “Hey Mumbo.” The redstoner pulled back and glanced Grian over. “Are you okay?” “Physically,” Grian said shakily. Mumbo drew in a sharp breath. “What happened?” “My past,” Grian said under his breath. “Tell you about it later.” Mumbo nodded and pulled Grian into another hug.

Xisuma and Keralis were talking off to the side, and no one bothered them. Wels checked Tommy over for injuries. “Are you alright, squire?” the knight questioned, laced with concern. Tommy nodded. “I’m fine Wels. Or at least I will be.” He sighed. “I just really want things to be normal right now.” “Of course,” Wels said with a nod. “If you want to come train, my door is always open.” Tommy smiled. “I’ll be sure to take you up on that offer.” Xisuma and Grian stepped up next to him. “You guys wanna head to my base?” Grian asked. “There’s probably a lot we should talk about,” Xisuma agreed. Tommy nodded. “I think I’m ready to open up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I got really inspired by redcursive's Hermit!Tommy AU, and am working on the full fic. That will not be up until I finish the one I am working on, Secrets of the Falls, but I simply couldn't wait to post this!
> 
> EDIT: For future reference, could someone be so kind as to tell me if Ranboo has stated whether he's okay with being written into fanfics like this? Please and thank you; you would be doing me a great service.


End file.
